Zinda hoon yaar….

When I first heard the song “Zinda Hoon Yaar” by Amit Trivedi from the movie Lootera, I thought what a fatalistic song. The lyrics of the song are: Mujhe chod do mere haal pe, Zinda hoon yaar….Kaafi hai. Translation: leave me alone in whatever state I am… I am alive and that’s enough. I don’t like fatalistic songs and this song made me think…oh what a loser that all he wants to do is live his life the way it is.

But there was something about it that made me go back to it again and again; the background score, the singer, or something else. The beauty of a poem is you can interpret it any which way it pleases you sometimes you interpret it in five different ways depending on your mood. In my current state of mind (running around sorting out my personal and professional life) when I heard this song, I absolutely agreed with the song. The song tells you “leave me alone, I am alive and that should be enough…” When everyone is running in the rat race trying to prove themselves to some corporation, trying to get a higher paying job, a higher figure salary, better benefits; all to improve their quality of life. The life which they are too busy worrying and working for and which they have no time to live! Each of us, including myself is a corporate rat; scurrying around…trying to finish that one last task at the expense of our health and life, living from one weekend to next. Every Friday is the same phrase, “thank god it’s Friday today” and every Monday are the same droll faces with an expression on their face saying “please take me far far away!” I sometimes wonder if everyone collectively hates their job or Monday blues are contagious.

The last line of the song is “kuch mangna baaki nahi, jitna mila…kaafi hai…” translation: I don’t need to ask for anything more, whatever I have received is enough. My life is a constant struggle between needs and wants, and I am sure most of our life is wanting more- I need more clothes, more shoes, more money, more status even more knowledge and more love! For once, I wish I could say I am happy with what I have, and don’t want more.

I wish I could follow this song and say- I am alive and kicking and that’s more than enough!

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Work-Life or Worklife!

Work Optional

Would I work if I didn’t have to? Absolutely! Working, job, money, is more than just making a living for me. Being an unmarried Indian, I always have well-meaning relatives throw prospective grooms at me telling me to talk to them, and so many of them have asked me, “So would you continue working after getting married!” My answer is always an unequivocal YES.

Doesn’t mean I don’t hate waking up in the morning, of course I hate Mondays and love Fridays! But what I love even more is having my days crammed up with things to do-getting to work at 7:30 am, working non-stop until 4pm, going for a run/or groceries in the evening, getting home and cooking awesome dinner, still having time to read a few chapters, write a blog and having a feeling of complete satisfaction by the end of the day-it’s my current life and I am loving it! Of course, when I am working I am financially independent and I don’t feel guilty about indulging in little and big pleasures of life. But it is more than money it is the feeling that you can do everything that you want to…I love the feeling of being a scientist during the day, and being this artistic person who cooks, reads, writes in the evening. I of course love the financial freedom of wanting to travel where I want, when I want and not worry as much about money, or guilt of spending money which isn’t mine. Reading is my passion and I love cooking, sketching, painting and writing, but I don’t think I could enjoy all my passions as much I do if I didn’t love science as much. I work in cancer drug development and I would like to think that I am making a difference in someone’s life by trying to develop a safer anti-cancer drug. All my other passions would pale if I didn’t have this purpose in life, and this absolute need for science!

Does this make me smug? Perhaps just a tad! But I know how hard I have worked to come at this point in life. I wouldn’t give it all up for anything! Perhaps someday when I want to just relax and think about life just going by, I might give up working, until then I am ready to work my ass off and enjoy it!