When I first heard the song “Zinda Hoon Yaar” by Amit Trivedi from the movie Lootera, I thought what a fatalistic song. The lyrics of the song are: Mujhe chod do mere haal pe, Zinda hoon yaar….Kaafi hai. Translation: leave me alone in whatever state I am… I am alive and that’s enough. I don’t like fatalistic songs and this song made me think…oh what a loser that all he wants to do is live his life the way it is.
But there was something about it that made me go back to it again and again; the background score, the singer, or something else. The beauty of a poem is you can interpret it any which way it pleases you sometimes you interpret it in five different ways depending on your mood. In my current state of mind (running around sorting out my personal and professional life) when I heard this song, I absolutely agreed with the song. The song tells you “leave me alone, I am alive and that should be enough…” When everyone is running in the rat race trying to prove themselves to some corporation, trying to get a higher paying job, a higher figure salary, better benefits; all to improve their quality of life. The life which they are too busy worrying and working for and which they have no time to live! Each of us, including myself is a corporate rat; scurrying around…trying to finish that one last task at the expense of our health and life, living from one weekend to next. Every Friday is the same phrase, “thank god it’s Friday today” and every Monday are the same droll faces with an expression on their face saying “please take me far far away!” I sometimes wonder if everyone collectively hates their job or Monday blues are contagious.
The last line of the song is “kuch mangna baaki nahi, jitna mila…kaafi hai…” translation: I don’t need to ask for anything more, whatever I have received is enough. My life is a constant struggle between needs and wants, and I am sure most of our life is wanting more- I need more clothes, more shoes, more money, more status even more knowledge and more love! For once, I wish I could say I am happy with what I have, and don’t want more.
I wish I could follow this song and say- I am alive and kicking and that’s more than enough!
Today I picked up some Indian style pastries: a black forest cake, a pineapple cake and a butterscotch cake from a small Indian snack shop on my way home. You have to be an Indian to understand the lure of these cake flavours. Black Forest cake is a layered chocolate sponge cake, with vanilla butter cream frosting in between and on top, decorated with chocolate shavings and a sugared cherry; pineapple cake is a layered vanilla cake with pineapple flavored frosting in between and on the top layer and topped off with a sugared cherry; butter scotch cake is also a layered vanilla sponge cake with vanilla and butterscotch flavored frosting and topped with some hard butter scotch pieces and a sugared cherry. Notice, how all the cakes are topped with cherries…I don’t know why but all the Indian style pastries always have a cherry on the top!
When I started sharing these cakes with my friends, I realized that they were not particularly tasty nor were they true to their names in terms of flavors. They all just tasted like sponge cakes with some kind of butter cream frosting. We had a bag of potato chips and we ended up eating a completely unhealthy snack of pastries and potato chips. That’s when a friend remarked, “Isn’t this what we ate at birthday parties growing up?” Our childhood birthday parties consisted of going to a friend’s place, whose house was decorated with balloons and confetti, where after the birthday cake cutting ceremony, your friend’s mother served you a piece of cake, some chips and maybe a samosa on a disposable paper plate. All this was eaten up quickly and then you were served an orange drink called Rasna in disposable cups.
Growing up we had only one cake shop in our town, and probably only that one brand of pastries existed throughout India at that time. It was called Monginis, and having a pastry there was considered a treat which was reserved only for special occasions. So of course all the birthday cakes growing up were from Monginis. I remember it would be such a treat to select your birthday cake a week before your birthday, looking through the pages of their ‘made to order birthday cakes’ book, so you could select exactly the one you wanted for yourself and your friends. I remember Monginis being the only cake shop around until much later when I was in my 20s that couple of local brands sprung up in some corners of the town.
I know the pastries that I bought here in Boston don’t taste anything like what they used to be in India; but they tasted like childhood memories, of the days when lives were simpler and birthday parties were joyous occasions intended only for gorging on Monginis cakes and rasna!
Unless you have been living under a rock in the last few months, then you know the media has been buzzing constantly; first with endless US presidential election campaigning, then the US election night, Indian PM demonetizing the Rs.500 and Rs.1000 bills and then the final cherry on the top: Donald Trump winning the elections to be the 45th President of United States. While all the outside news has been constantly hammering on in my mind, the twists and turns of life and work have also kept me constantly busy.
For as long as I remember whenever life overwhelms me, I have turned to books and reading. Like Hermione in Harry Potter, when faced with a problem I have looked for answers in books and library. So it isn’t surprising that in whatever little time I have had lately I have read voraciously. When there is so much drama happening in real life, one doesn’t want to read anyone else’s life drama; even that of a fictitious character. So I picked up couple of books from science fiction and fantasy genre. Fantasy genre is one of my favourite genres and if the book is a fantasy thriller….my life is all set! I mean who is thinking about real life problems and presidential elects when you are hot on the trail of aliens trying to invade earth or a wizard trying to save humans!
For science fiction this time I tried a book called The Three-body Problem written originally by a Chinese author Liu Cixin and translated in English. I just finished it yesterday and it was one of the most interesting science fiction books I have read; it was mainly about how a group of people are sick of the current state of humanity and decide to invite a race of aliens to save the human kind. It resonated with me because this is exactly how I feel about human race today, where we are completely losing touch with our humanity. While realistic it was also thrilling, fun and educational. Today I picked up Ursula Le Guin’s The Left Hand of Darkness. I have never read any Ursula Le Guin, but have heard wonderful things about her writing and I am excited to start the book. The other one I picked up was Fool Moon by Jim Butcher which is the book 2 in the Dresden Files series. Most of the books in this series can be read standalone and I have read a couple of them in no particular order; but this time I decided to start reading the series in its right sequence.
I have always loved to read thrillers, mysteries and adventure stories. I guess I have always looked for a way to escape the reality even if it is for a little while, if I can get a fun ride with a wizard or an alien during that escape I am more than happy to get on it!
More than half a century ago a man left the green fields and farm lands of western Maharashtra to try his luck in the glittering city of Mumbai. His mother had passed away a while ago and he left behind his father and younger brothers with the promise to bring them to the city. In Mumbai he found friends, a small place to live, got his degree as a certified accountant, and a job. Eventually he started his own company that manufactured chemicals and trained his brothers to manage that company. That man was my uncle, who brought his younger brothers from a small rural village in Maharashtra to Mumbai, give them better education and to give them a chance at a better life. Once he came to Mumbai, he never went back to the village except to visit the other relatives there every now and then. He got married and found matches for his brothers one by one, including my father. Everyone started their families in Mumbai and nobody gave a thought to return back to the village. The second generation of my family (my cousins and myself) decided to come further away to improve their lives and a few of us immigrated to the USA. Like our elders before us, we have not given much of a serious thought to going back to our lands. Like my uncles and my father who were immigrants to Mumbai and eventually became citizens of Mumbai (called mumbaikars), we have slowly become Americanized.
People all over the globe move from their home towns and home countries and become immigrants elsewhere. Mostly they move for a better life, better opportunities for families, and sometimes just for the sheer adventure of living unmoored in a new place. I moved away from my home when I was young to find a life different than the one I had back in India. Maybe like my uncle I thought this was the right move to have a better future; but unlike my uncle I didn’t have to bring any of my family here with me.
When you move far away to make your life better, you leave something behind…usually elder parents, other family. You lie to yourself saying you will be back one day but you never get back. Whether it is moving 350 km to Mumbai or 10000 miles to US, it is a move where eventually you will never look back. You have to make a life where you move in order to be successful, but the happier you are in new place the guiltier you sometimes feel about all that you have left behind.
I don’t know if my uncle ever felt the guilt or worry about his move decades ago (he wasn’t the kind of person to talk about his feelings), but he was very happy when his daughters moved to US, he felt that like him they were moving on to something better in life. I just wish I had asked him about all this when he was still coherent, I wish I had talked to him about how to immigrate when you leave half your life behind.
This is a poem from a hindi movie called “Zindagi na milegi dobara”, translation, “you only live once “.
Literal line by line translation means:
If you are walking around with restlessness in your heart, you are alive! If you have the twinkle of dreams in your eyes, then you are alive!
Learn to live free like the gusts of wind
Learn to be free like a wave in the sea
Meet every moment with your arms wide open
Greet a new sight with your eyes every moment
If you are walking around with curiosity in your eyes, then you are alive!
If you are walking around with restlessness in your heart, you are alive!
I love this poem. It wakes up something in me every time. I know there are great many stories and poems which tell you to live your life in the moment, but this one is my favorite!
While you are going through your daily life just working or whatever, and you suddenly realize that you were probably meant to do something else in life. While growing up all of us have different dreams and aspirations. There are those lucky few who manage to convert their childhood dreams into their adult careers and be happy about it. Most of us follow the herd and find something which will translate into a career to make a decent living while all the time pining for something else.
The other day I was talking to a friend who always wanted to get into tennis, but then eventually settled into a safer choice of getting into a career in science, which if nothing would definitely pay her bills. While growing up some of us want to be astronauts, actors, cricketers, maybe scientists. Some of us are good at music, at drawing, love animals and think of becoming vets, good at designing etc. But hardly anyone thinks to convert these loves and dreams into a career. Usually the adults tells us that drawing, writing, music are good as hobbies but are not going to provide food to you. And we usually just go with the flow, hardly bothering to protest unless we are very passionate about something, and frankly at that age you are not bothered to be passionate about anything. We grow up to be engineers, scientists, doctors and along the way our hobbies and other aspirations just fall behind, unable to compete with our “mainstream” careers. But then as you grow older you realize, “Oh boy, I was so good at this….what would have happened if I would have stuck to my guns and made this into my profession?” By then it is usually too late to make these things into your careers. Then maybe on some lazy Sunday morning you can think about what ifs and shake your head.
Though in my opinion the best part about having mainstream careers is, it gives you funds to hone your childhood dreams. Funds to maybe finally try and realize them, and you might just realize that you are better or worse than you originally thought you were. If you are better, then great…you have something to escape your daily world from, and if not, then it’s good that you didn’t quit your day job! None of us can see into the future, just contemplate on our pasts. Life’s all about making the best choices you can at that moment in time. And then sometimes, it is good to just think ‘what if’ and have a rosy picture in your mind than to have your childhood aspirations shatter around you.