Changing roles…not yet!

I read this funky post somewhere while idling my time on internet. I would like to keep the details to myself about the post. The main gist of it was about this Indian guy who was working for a relatively unknown IT company and was therefore unable to get a “good Indian girl” to marry him. His assumption was that, since the Indians in his region are clever enough to know best of the Silicon Valley companies, they aren’t keen on marrying their daughters to some guy working in an unknown US company. Of course there could be other n number of reasons, but this was the reason that was included in the post. Then it was described how he has finally found someone, but that girl refuses to cook traditional Indian meal, though she loves to eat, and she demands that he cook her food daily. So turns out our protagonist in the post was learning traditional dishes to please the girl and her family. It didn’t seem like the guy had any qualms cooking for his future wife, and if he did, the post didn’t mention it. But the interesting material was obviously in the comments section! The initial comments I saw were by women. And guess what, every single of them is telling this guy to not marry that woman! They say, “Run away! You will get a better life partner.” Then people start commenting about how marriage should be partnership and all that jazz.

Most people were asking if the wife will at least clean if she doesn’t cook. I obviously have lot of issues with people following societal norms mindlessly; so my first thought is, “Why do they care whether the wife cleans or not?? Why do these people care to judge that woman whom they have never met and never will??” But the crux here is nobody in an Indian society bats an eyelash when demands are made on the bride. It is considered a matter of fact that the wife will cook, clean and work. Also most of the couples living and working in US don’t have household help because it’s expensive, so the wife does cleaning and other stuff too. It is obviously expected that she will do all those things, and the husband will “help” when he isn’t tired. But since it’s the husband making these demands nobody usually raises a voice.

Coming back to the post, very few sensible women and quite a few men actually said the other side of the story. They actually were surprised that this has happened in India, and said kudos to the girl for making such demands and actually getting away with them. While any kind of demand isn’t an auspicious start to a relationship, men get away with getting women doing things for them even without making the demands.

Worse thing about this situation is the women themselves. We need to do everything for our husbands has been so deeply ingrained in our psyche by Indian society and “culture” that anyone daring to think and be different is immediately judged harshly. We talk about changing the way Indian men think about women, but maybe we should first try to change how we women think about other women.


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