Ramblings!

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There are days when you want to stand in the middle of the road and scream out loud and the only thing that stops you is the fear that you might get committed if you do it. Sometimes the pressures of being a grown up feel as if they will overwhelm you and consume you. I feel like telling my younger nieces and nephews who are dying to grow up that, being a grownup isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. While it is quite nice that you get to dress up and go pretty much anywhere you want to and have the financial ability to do so…being an adult comes up with its sense of responsibilities and sensibilities. Though there are way too many adults who don’t quite know how to act like one, we will leave that debate for some other day. Like many others in their late 20’s I am feeling the pressures of life. Where is it going, where is my career going, where do I want to be-India or somewhere else and such other rambling thoughts, but additionally I am not just a working woman, I am a Single working woman! As if the career pressures are not enough, there are societal, parental and yes personal pressures to deal with.  Usually my sense of procrastination saves me but there are times when I feel as if I will drown beneath all the pressures. There are days when the flight of a bird feels so envious. There are days when I almost wish my dreams and aspirations were that of a simple girl. I wish I could be a person whose few goals in life were to work and then settle in a married life with a husband of her parents choosing, then make babies at the right time and then give up career and everything to watch them grow! I am not belittling anyone who does the above things, because it takes a lot of courage to just give up things for your children, my mother did it for me. So while others might want it, I feel it is not for me and unfortunately my demands and aspirations for life are getting too complicated!

Being a grown-up isn’t all that is cracked up to be! Who says you can do what you want….! No you cannot, because you have to please your society, your parents and even your boss…and after all this maybe someday you could even do something for yourself. Even if you defy the society and parents, the continuous defiance sucks the energy out of you until there are days when you feel is it is even worth trying to rebel against everything. Until you just feel like giving up your arms and saying, “all right I give up! Take me where you want to and just tell me what to do!” but I have discovered that giving up also requires a lot of courage. It is not easy giving up the reins of your life to someone else. Thankfully it isn’t easy to say, “Screw it, I will marry the next guy I am told to talk to!!!” Because there is still hope that all the fight and the agony and pressure resistance will be worth in the end.